Saturday, June 6, 2009

Not the American Way

Formerly on this blog, I have accepted personal responsibility for the outrageous size of my stash, and it has occurred to me that this is really not the American way. Here, we blame McDonalds for being fat, banks for the mortgages we can't afford, and the government or our parents for just about everything else. What a fool I have been! So, to clear things up once and for all, here are my NEW reasons for my overly-large stash:

1. Red Heart, for their horrible scratchy acrylic yarn that was all I could find during my formative knitting years. I was permanently scarred and hoard natural fibers out of the fear of returning to those Red Heart days.

2. My parents for not planning our family vacations around a 500-mile trek to find natural yarns in the acrylic-dominated 70's and early 80's

3. Sunspots

4. Visa - if they hadn't given me a large credit line, I wouldn't have felt required to use it.

5. Juan Valdez. Coffee should come with a label warning the drinkers that they might grossly overestimate the speed at which they can knit after one or two cups and should be forcibly restrained after 5.

6. Former President George W. Bush, who is really to blame for pretty much everything

7. NAFTA (North American Free Trade Agreement). All those orders to the Canadian-based Elann Yarn Company were just a patriotic attempt on my part to support our trade agreement and quite honestly I think the government should thank me for my efforts and that I should be able to deduct them on my taxes

8. The state of Idaho, for selling liquor to its citizens. I know at least one large box of yarn that can be traced directly to an episode with a white chocolate martini

9. Aliens - which can be the only reasonable explanation for the Fun Fur lurking at the back of the closet

10. Knitter's Magazine. How irresponsible is it to send someone with fiber issues 20 new patterns every other month? Sure, the patterns have grown less attractive over the last few years, but that doesn't make up for the creativity & stunning variety of the late 90s & early 2000s.

Wow, I feel so much better!