1. Circulate a medical report linking prolonged wool exposure to a strange tropical disease known as Ovinus, which causes a bizarre eye twitch and a passion for hot pink eyelash yarn.
2. Take your knitting out in public and agree with everyone when they comment on your lovely crocheting.
3. At tonight's Stitch-n-Bitch, suggest forming a Knitting Mafia to take care of things, because those acrylic-only knitters are just getting out of hand.
4. Take a dead moth to your local yarn shop and plant it in the most expensive merino.
5. Write a blog entry saying that Elizabeth Zimmermann really didn't know that much about knitting, and you don't see what all the fuss was about.
6. Find someone with a garter-stitch fun-fur scarf and loudly accuse them of stealing your copyrighted design.
7. Sit down with your grandmother and browse the "naughty" patterns on Ravelry.
8. Dig out your nicest alpaca yarn to knit with and tell everyone it's spun raccoon fur, and that those little animals really seem to enjoy being shaved.
9. Tell your friends that your $30/hank silk blend lace yarn was on clearance for $1 a hank--and if they hurry to the yarn shop on the other side of town they just might get the last 3 hanks.
10. Tell a brand new knitter showing off her first pair of socks that she seems to have made 2 left socks.
11. Tell your husband you're thinking of getting a few sheep to keep in the back bedroom to save on yarn costs.
12. Show up at your knitting group with a finished object and say that you don't know what happened--you must have fallen asleep while knitting, and you woke up with a finished object. Be sure to say that you don't remember ANYTHING