* File a police report saying someone has stolen your knitting mojo.
* Start an online petition to make Continental the only acceptable form of knitting
* Send a letter to the editor denouncing the Cold Sheeping movement as an anti-ovine conspiracy theory
* Knit with wooden needles in public, and when anyone comments on your knitting, reply that it's great fun, but you have to be careful not to knit too fast or your needles will ignite
* Email every designer who has shared a free pattern on Ravelry and demand to know why the pattern doesn't include charts for every tiny bit of the pattern, translations into 47 languages, free coffee, and front row tickets to the next Jimmy Buffett concert
* Expose the financial details of thousands and thousands of knitters to credit card fraud without telling them, then deny responsibility. Oh, wait............that's already been done.........................